My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
