My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
