My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
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She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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