god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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