home. puking in laundry basket.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
