I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
