Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize