I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
