new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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