I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
