There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
