Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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