Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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