But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
