Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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