So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
