i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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