I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
