Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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