meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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