I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
