Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
