The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
