Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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