It's just like the Real World with babies
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
