Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
