Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
