Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
