My hand turned me down
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
