i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
