The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
even my farts smell like vagina
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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