i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
