those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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