Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
