ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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