I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
