i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
