I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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