He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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