Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
