Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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