WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
