I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
