P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
