So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
