I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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