I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
