I love black thongs
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
