what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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