I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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