You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
