I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
