I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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