Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
