Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
