Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
