The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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