And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
