She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
