So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
