Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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