I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
