LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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