her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize