Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
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I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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