WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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